The Playlist
by Chasyn
Summary: There are a lot of songs on my playlist. Let's hit shuffle and see what song pops up. Riku/Sora, Axel/Roxas. Possibly more later on.
1. Next Contestant

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts or its wonderful characters. I don't own the songs that inspire the chapters either. I do, however, own the MP3 Player who is helping me with this. It's glued to my ear.

**Notes:** My MP3 Player has 814 songs on it. By placing it on shuffle, it will pick a song for me. I will then write a chapter based on the song, either by the lyrics or my interpretation. There isn't any set plot, as I'll be writing it as I go depending on what inspires me as I listen to the songs. Though if you know me than you know Sora belongs only with Riku and Axel with Roxas, if the latter pair decides to pop up.

**Song:** Next Contestant by Nickleback. LOVE IT! About a guy whose girlfriend works at a bar, or someplace similar I assume. She dresses like a slut and gets hit on by a lot of men and even a few women and the guy wants to beat everyone up.

* * *

**The Playlist - Next Contestant (Sora's POV)**

I don't know why he drags me here, especially when he's working, I think as I lean back in my chair. Seriously! I hate the bar slash dance club thing. I hate the music and the lights and all the people. It is way too loud and headache inducing and practically claustrophobic. I hate dancing. I'm not very good at it. I tent to trip over myself. Some people call me uncoordinated. I hate drinking. I'm way too young for it anyways. Which brings up another point. How the hell did he get a job here anyways? I mean… he's only a year older than me. He just turned 18 last month. So how the hell is he working at an adult bar slash dance club thing? Why?

That right there is probably the reason why. An overly zealous woman leans over the counter, no doubt trying to show off her ample breasts. She shoves a wad of money at him and grabs for him drunkenly. I feel my mouth twist in disgust as she shoves her tongue in his mouth. And he lets her. And I want to rip her cheap hair extensions out. I'll bet anything her boobs are fake too.

I don't exactly mean the drunken slut is why he works here. It's the tips. Maybe a little bit of the attention, since girls and guys are always fawning over him and he doesn't seem to mind in the least bit. But mostly it's the tips, he says. At least I hope so. Because I could never compete with all his fans.

I look up and he's walking over and he's smiling. God. Why does he have to look at me like that? He smiles and I want to melt. Seriously! There should be a law against him smiling. Because it turns me to goo every time he does. No one else in the world can have the sort of effect on people like he does. He's just…

"Hey Sora! Having fun?"

I shrug slightly, trying to feign boredom as I lean back in my seat. "Loads." I try not to look into his eyes because that is death. Because looking in his eyes really will immobilize me. It makes me agree to anything he asks. Like coming here when he's working. All he has to do is look at me with those eyes and ask and yes, I drop to all fours and follow him around like a puppy.

He laughs and it's like the best sound in the world and makes my heart flutter. "Loosen up Sora. Want a beer or something? My treat."

I have no tolerance for alcohol. I really don't. He knows it and enjoys teasing me about it. He knows the answer and yet he asks every chance he can get. He just thinks he's so damned funny. "Uh… no." I shake my head and again don't look him in the eye. Don't look up! Don't look up! Don't look up! Because I'm likely to change my mind if I look up. "I don't drink."

He shrugs. "Well… I'll be off in an hour if you still want to come over later."

Shit… I wish there were more to what he was saying than a simple, friendly sleepover like we've done a million times. Because that is something I could so get into. He wouldn't even have to use his eyes on me. I'd drop down on all fours for another reason. Yes, I'm a pervert. But of course, there is nothing behind the sleepover than hanging out and sleeping. So I nod and lean my elbows on the table. "Sure."

He tilts his head to the side and smiles at me. Damn him. "You should come dance with me."

Well… at least that's a request I can refuse. He's working. And I REALLY hate dancing. More than drinking. Well… maybe not more than drinking. Actually… don't tell Riku this but I actually like dancing. In my room, alone. I live for DDR. That's Dance Dance Revolution. But again, don't tell him that because he'll use those eyes on me and make me dance with him in public. Again. "Dance? You're working."

"I get paid to dance on the bar too." He says, looking back and pointing. "Better tips if I drag some cute guy up with me."

Oh yeah. Dancing on the bar. Me dancing on the bar. That sounds like a really good idea. "I can't dance." Wait… did he just call me cute? "I'd fall off." I mutter.

He leans over the table, getting dangerously close. "I'll keep you from falling."

His close proximity makes me look at him and I attempt to casually lean back. Don't blush, don't blush. Stay cool. Shit. I swallow nervously and my heart feels like it's beating a million miles a minute and it's suddenly hotter and more crowded in here.

"Hey Riku! I'm not paying for you to flirt."

He stands up with a smile and turns around and I breathe out a sigh of relief for being temporarily forgotten. "That's exactly what you pay me for."

"Not when it's with your friend who does nothing but sit in the corner all night." That's one of his bosses, Kashi. He and his twin sister run the club. They're old, like really old. Like 24 or something. They go to college or something. I don't really pay attention when they talk to me. Why? Because they do it when Riku's around.

And they are both gay, the twins that is. I know that for a fact. But Riku I'm not so sure about. He dances, flirts, and kisses on guys but he does the same to girls. Better tips, he says. Is he gay? Is he straight? Bisexual? Does he only do it for the money? Or is he just a slut? Seriously. He's made out with every person in here, I swear. Except for me. And maybe the lesbian half of his twin bosses. I think she'd kick his ass if he tried, though I wouldn't put it past him.

But why should it bother me anyways? I'm just his best friend. But on the other hand, I am _just_ his best friend. I'm not his boyfriend or even one of his drunken, desperate customers. But, fuck me; I don't want to just be his best friend. I want to be so much more.

"Sora!" My eyes find him quickly and he's up on the counter, grinding against some blonde twink. He motions for me and the twink turns and glares at me. Obliviously that means he's staken a claim on my best friend and I just want to run up there and hit the guy or kick him or injure him in some horrible, bloody way. I'd love to watch him leave limping.

I smile at the thought and quickly shake my head.

Riku shrugs and turns his attention back to the twink and god I hate what he's wearing. Riku, not the twink, though I hate his sparkly shirt as well and those orange pants? Seriously! How gayer can you get? But Riku… the sleeveless shirt is way too tight and the black jeans are way too low. And shit… even from across the room I can make out every muscle through the skin-tight fabric. And I know everyone else can too. That's why he dresses like a prostitute when he works. Some of those outfits… man! I don't know where he even finds them. Attention whore.

I don't want to watch anymore but I can't look away. He mesmerizes me. And suddenly I'm more pissed than I was a moment ago. The twink's got his hands under Riku's shirt and his lips are pressed against his pale neck. And I really want to fly across the room and rip the guy's head off now.

Riku is mine, damnit! Mine! He just doesn't know it yet. But he will. As soon as I tell him. Yep. Then all these fuckers will be sorry. Because then I will kick their asses. I can do it, too. Don't underestimate me when I get pissed enough.

So I sit here, watching him dancing and flirting with person after person, until his shift is over. I'm not sure how long it's been but I'm certain it's more than an hour. He comes strutting back over to where I've been sitting all night, a wide smile on his face. My eyes flit from him to the barely dressed girl glued to his arm. I actually know this leech. Which makes it so much worse. Because I had nothing against her before tonight.

"Come on, sweetie." She coos, rubbing her breasts against his arm. "Let's go back to my place. My parents are out of town tonight." Shit… can she be more obvious and easy? Have a little more respect for yourself. Not that I wouldn't throw myself at him as well if he'd look at me. But it's so not the same. It isn't.

"Sorry. But I've got plans." He says, looking over at me and winking.

She turns and glares at me as she attempts to pull him away. "Oh come on! Him over me? I know you like to flirt with guys but… seriously! What do you want with him?" She sneers as she says it, like I'm the most revolting person in the world. It doesn't surprise me. It's not the first he's passed up one of his fans for me. And it won't be the last.

Riku turns sharply and pries her hands off. I can tell instantly from his posture and I smile. He always jumps to defend me. "He's my best friend." He snaps protectively.

"Oh… I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything!" She smiles at me as she grabs for his arm again. "Hello. I'm Cyndi."

"I know." I say, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms. Yeah, she lost several points in my book. Not that I really liked her before or anything. Just really knew her in passing. Thought she was nice enough and sort of pretty. But now? "We have a class together."

"Oh!" She looks surprised. Clearly, she doesn't recognize me. I can't blame her though. I tend to blend in in that class. "Well I…"

"We have to get going." Riku says, interrupting her and prying her off again. He steps around her and I stand up to follow him, really wanting to be as far from the place as I can get.

"But… I thought that… you and I…" She's stammering and I think she looks pathetic and desperate, just like all the others.

"Plans, baby." He says with his trademark smile. Sometimes I want to slap him just as much as the fans. He really can be full of himself. I'm surprised that ego of his can fit through the doorway. "Can't cancel them for anything. Not even you."

She pouts and her bottom lip sticks out and damnit. "When can I see you again?"

He shrugs slightly and looks away from her. I can tell he's bored of her and he wants to flee as much as me. "I'll be here tomorrow night."

"Away from here." Her eyes twinkle when she says it. I know exactly what she's getting at and it turns my stomach.

"Too busy. Sorry." He grabs my arm and pulls me towards the door.

I feel vaguely bad for the girl as I turn back to look at her. She looks hopelessly lost. I can't blame her. He has the same effect on me. But I'm happy he's leaving with me and not her.

Some might call him a player. But he's not really. He never promises them anything or leads them on. He never leaves with them or sees them outside of work. Just harmless flirting. It's all about tips. I guess that makes him sound like a cold bastard or something. But I can't complain. Because like I said. He's leaving with me. And just like all of them, I'm hooked on him. Always have been.

"Sorry about that." He says as we climb into his jeep. "Cyndi can get pretty clingy."

"And jealous." I say with without thinking and I can feel my heart thumping faster. Because saying she's jealous is implying she has someone to be jealous about. Me. Which, of course, suggests something going on between him and me. Which there isn't. Though yes, I admit I wish that weren't true. Damn. Why can't I keep my big mouth shut?

But he just laughs and nods and I guess doesn't make the same connection or he just doesn't comment on it. "Yeah. Very jealous."

I bite my tongue to keep from saying anything more. It's not only Cyndi who can get clingy. And jealous. Because despite my complaining of being drug around when he's working, I really don't mind. Because I want to sit there and watch him. I want to keep an eye on him. Or, more importantly, an eye on all the desperate fawners. I have to make sure they don't get too close.

"Come on. Back to my place."

He means nothing by that and I know it. Because whatever he is… gay or bisexual or whatever… he sees me as nothing more than a friend.

But that thought doesn't stop me from wanting to kill everyone who touches him.

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**Notes:** Again, no plot and no set update schedule. Just whenever I get the urge to sit down and hit shuffle.


	2. Future King

**Song:** Future King by Kamelot. Figures. This is a song about King Arthur, of which my knowledge is very limited. So just playing with things I've seen in movies. I'm too lazy to do any real research and this is just for fun anyways. But seriously! When my MP3 Player chose this… was seriously stumped for a long while. GAH! Anyways… enjoy the complete randomness that is this chapter. Very good song, by the way. Love Kamelot. A bit obsessed. I have their logo tattooed to my forearm.

**The Playlist - Future King (Sora's POV)**

I fidget slightly in the passenger seat beside him and don't move my eyes from my lap. I'm so fucking useless, I swear. He's less than a foot away from me and I can't stop thinking about how good he is at shaking his hips. Really bad thoughts when stuck in a small space. Think about something else, think about something else. Like school… oh shit! School! "Can we stop by my house first?" I raise my gaze to him.

He glances at me and cocks an eyebrow. "Why?"

"My book bag. I forgot I have a paper due on Monday and I haven't started it yet."

"Shit, Sora." He turns the wheel sharply and the jeep jerks in the direction of my house. "It's almost midnight. If you're mom is still up and finds out…"

"Oh she won't." I say, shaking my head and smiling. "She has to work early tomorrow. She'll be passed out. I'll slip in and out in no time. Promise."

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "You better finish it and get an A."

That makes me laugh. Because that's impossible. "An A? Yeah right. I'm not you."

"You better." He lifts his hand off the steering wheel to wag a finger at me. "If you're mom finds out you're hanging out with me when you have homework… shit! She already thinks I'm a bad influence."

I roll my eyes and wave the comment off. "Oh she's always thought that."

"I know!" He snaps and surprises me. "I can't stand it! What the fuck have I done? Seriously! Everything that goes wrong is my fault in her eyes. You fail math and have to go to summer school and it's my fault. You try to follow me out your window and break your leg, my fault. We get sucked off the island and it's all on me. We're kept away for so long and again me."

He's upset and agitated and I have the sudden urge to hug him and tell him everything's alright. Because it is. Because no matter what my mom does or says, she can't change my feelings for him. "Well… she'll just have to get over it. Because she can't separate us."

"She'll try and she might just succeed."

"She won't, Riku."

"I can't lose you again."

My mouth drops open as he says it. "Are you really that worried about my mother?"

He pulls into my driveway and stops. "Just hurry and be quiet."

An hour later and we're at his house. He's mindlessly flipping through the channels on his TV and he's bored. "Gah!" He hits the power button and looks over at me and I hope he doesn't notice I am staring. "Okay… so what's the paper about?"

Paper? What paper? Shit… I was daydreaming, wasn't I? He and I were in Agrabah and it was hot and he was wearing those puffy harem pants things that Aladdin wears and no shirt and… "Huh?"

"Your paper." He leans closer and pokes my forehead. "Come on. Maybe I can help."

Paper… oh shit! "Uh… King Arthur."

"Alright. What about him?"

I shrug. Truthfully, I haven't thought about it at all. I'm such a procrastinator. I really, really hope mom doesn't find out. "I was thinking something concerning Merlin, since, you know, I know him personally and all." Yeah… I totally just pulled that out of my ass.

Riku rolls his eyes. "It's been a few years since you saw him. Plus I don't think your teacher will appreciate your personal take on him."

I grab the closest thing, my notebook, and hurl it at him.

* * *

With a groan, I roll over and sit up. I yawn and rub at my eyes. But when I open them… shit! The room is dimly lit but what I can make out is weird. Right out of Camelot. Where the fuck am I? Wait… I was at Riku's working on my paper… I've simply fallen asleep. Yep. That's it. That's the only option. I'm dreaming and any minute now I'll wake up and…

The large wood and iron door swings open on its hinges loudly and in comes Riku. He's dressed in a long, light blue robe that falls to the floor and a pointed hat of the same color. It reminds me of something but I can't place it. "Shit! Riku… what are you wearing?"

He turns after pushed the door shut and smiles. "Oh! Good! Young Lord Arthur, you're up. Ready to continue your lessons?"

I tilt my head to the side. Lessons? In a dream? "My… what?"

"Training, young Lord. And your studies."

I have to study too? "Training and studying for what?"

Riku tilts his head to the side and looks at me worriedly. He steps closer and sits on the edge of my bed. "To be King." He reaches out and his finger tips grace my forehead and I feel myself blush. "Lord Arthur, you look a bit flushed. Do you feel feverish?"

"Oh this is a fucked up dream." I say and lean back on my bed.

"Lord?"

I let out a laugh as I rub my forehead. "So if I'm King Arthur… who are you?"

"Merlin, my lord. You are starting to worry me. Let me fetch a doctor."

"No." I grab his arm before he can get up. "I… uh… feel fine Ri-uh… Merlin. I think I just need… a glass of water."

Riku-Merlin doesn't look convinced but he turns slightly and looks at the small table beside the door. My eyes follow and I watch as the enchanted water jug I hadn't noticed before lifts itself off the table and fills the glass beside it. Then the jug lowers back to the table top and the glass floats over.

I don't react as I grab the glass and take a sip. The only logical explanation, other than I've gone insane or been abducted again or Riku's playing a very well thought out practical joke on me, is that I am indeed dreaming. And I'm aware that I'm dreaming, which makes it seem weirder for some reason.

So yeah, self watering floating cups are perfectly normal in dreamland. Though I can't recall any dreams in which I've encountered enchanted dishware.

"All better, my lord?"

"Yes. That you." The empty glass flies out of my hand and back to the table.

"Now…" He slaps my blanketed leg and rises. "Get dressed and meet me out in the courtyard."

"Where?"

He eyes me oddly for a moment. "Just outside this tower. Lord… are you sure you're alright?"

I nod my head quickly and shoo him out the door. A few minutes later, I once again come face to face with him once I step out of the door. "You said to meet you."

"And you, my Lord, seem lost and confused. Allowing you to stumble around might not be the best idea."

"Momentary, I promise."

"Of course, my Lord. This way." He bows his head and turns to lead the way down the hall.

I tilt my head to the side and watch him practically float across the stone floor. Damn… even in my dreams he can take my breath away.

"Don't dawdle, Lord."

I let out a sigh and shuffle along behind him. The scenery around us starts to blur, lines and colors fusing together. I can't make out anything except the stone path beneath my feet and Riku's form in front of me. So I close my eyes and continue forward until I bump into something.

"You really should pay more attention to where you are going young Lord."

I hear the amusement in his voice and open my eyes to see him smiling. "I was… uh… just thinking… about something…" This really had better be a dream. Because I sound like a complete idiot.

"By Excalibur's might…" He mutters as he smiles and shakes his head. He eyes me for a moment and I wonder what the strange dream Riku-Merlin is thinking. "Never mind. Take out your sword."

"My… what?" I look down as I feel the weight in my hand. I nearly drop the heavy thing as it appears in my hand. "Uh… okay. Here it is."

I should be better at this. I really should. Spent all that time kicking ass with my keyblade. And here I am, stuck in a dream world version of Camelot and Riku-Merlin is kicking my ass with a wand. I swing my sword to the side, angle it, and lunge towards him. He flicks his wrist and I'm suddenly thrown backwards and land hard on the ground. Then he's suddenly behind me and holding his wand to my neck.

"You really need to pay better attention. Anticipate your opponent's moves."

I push his arm away and get to my feet. "I can't win against you with that wand."

He stands up and laughs and pockets his wand. "Fine. Try and jump me now."

My eyes widen slightly as he says it. Shit… dream or not, I really do want to jump him. Wait… if this is a dream… "Uh… Merlin… can we be done with the lessons for today? There's something else I want to try."

He looks at me oddly for a minute before clasping his hands together. "What does the young Lord had planned?"

I step closer to him and lift my hand to touch his cheek. He shifts slightly and drops his hands to his sides but otherwise he doesn't move. He's still a bit taller than me and I have to stand on my toes. As I lean forward, he opens his mouth.

"What are you doing?" He doesn't move to stop me.

I can feel the smile on my lips. "I want to kiss you." My hand moves from his cheek to his neck and I pull him the short distance to my lips. And then his hands are around my waist and his tongue is prodding mine and I pull the hat off his head and my hands are in his hair and then…

My eyes fly open and I quickly realize that laying half on top of him and his arms are around my waist and on my god did I really just kiss him? I hold my breath as I shift slightly and pry his arms off. I think he's still asleep. He looks like he's still asleep. I hope he's still asleep. Shit… what would he think if he wakes up? Move! Move! MOVE!

"Sora?"

I jump back and the whole bed jostles. But at least I'm on the other side of the bed as he sits up and yawns. "Uh… morning…"

"Shit, Sora. What the fuck are you doing? Trying to throw me off my own bed?" He yawns again and rubs at his neck.

"I… uh… sorry…" I stammer slightly and jump off the bed. "I have to go."

"Wait… Sora… I was just teasing. Bad dream or something?"

"Something like that." I mumble and start throwing my things back in my backpack. I turn slightly to grab my notebook off his desk and he's getting out of bed and shit. Since when does he sleep without a shirt? And how the hell did I not notice a second ago? I can feel my cheeks start to redden and I turn away and stuff my notebook in my backpack.

"Wait a minute, Sora."

I feel his hand on my shoulder and I shrug him off and bolt for the door. "I'll call you later." I call over my shoulder as I run down the stairs. I just have to get out of his house. Now.

* * *

**Notes:** I think I despise this chapter. Don't like the way it came out at all. But very tired of working with it and trying to get something better out of it. So I give up. And all of them won't be in Sora's POV. Promise. Will flip around between characters at some point.


	3. Spring Nicht

**Song:** Spring Nicht by Tokio Hotel. German version of Don't Jump. One of my favorite songs except it's weird trying to tie in the German angle. Oh well. Enter Axel and enjoy!

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**The Playlist - Spring Nicht (Axel's POV)**

This morning is a beautiful morning. The sky is clear and I can still see the fading stars stretching on for miles and miles. The slowly rising sun touches the ocean's surface and likewise, I can see every gentle ripple of the water stretch on. I guess that's what comes from living on a small island. A very small island. An unbearably small island in the middle of nowhere with almost an hour's boat ride to civilization.

A sigh escapes my lips and I rub at my forehead. Why the hell did I come to this place again? I could have stayed with the others at Oblivion Castle. Demyx begged me to. Got down on his hands on knees and actually cried. Some shit about missing me too much. The big baby. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was in love with me.

The thought brings a smile to my lips and I chuckle slightly. I wouldn't blame him if he was. I mean… look at me! I'm an Adonis. I'm so hot, I'm on fire. Literally. I lift my hand and clench my fist and concentrate slightly. The fire starts small, licking along my skin. I smile as I watch it. See? Proof that I'm hot. My eyes settle on the flames again. I could make it bigger, of course. I could burn down the whole building whose roof I am sitting on, engulfing it in flames in mere seconds. The whole expanse of the island as well, if I want. Being a nobody does have its perks. We can't exactly die. We fade away and are… born again in a way or some shit. More powerful too, it seems.

But despite the few perks, there is one thing I'd give all my powers and rebirthing feature to have. A heart. Sometimes I feel so hollow inside… it hurts and aches… sometimes so much I can't breathe. It fucking sucks is what it does. Sucks major ass.

With a sigh, I stand up and move closer to the edge of the roof. There's a ledge and I step up on it. Damn, the school building is higher than I thought. I let my feet touch the edge and my toes hang off it, wiggling. The feel of it is exhilarating. Yeah… this building is higher than I thought but it's still not that high. Four stories. The last tower I stood on was several more. Now that was a real rush. He… he was there with me that time. We sat on top of that high tower and talked for hours. I think that was the last time I really felt whole… complete.

I get too lost in the memory and forget my balance. I wobble slightly and am about to step back down off the ledge when I hear him and the fear in his voice. It had been nearly a year since I last heard that voice. And right now, it's the best sound in the world.

"DON'T JUMP!"

Despite the fact that I was sort of hiding from him, there's a smile on my face as I turn around. How did he know I was on the island anyways? How did he find me? How did he know I was here on the roof? I've only been here a week. But fuck me, he looks really good in that tank top and shorts coming towards me. His hair is disheveled and his eyes are wide and my head just screams jail bait. Damn. I knew I should have stayed away.

He stops about a foot away from me and looks up, our differences in height made worse by the ledge I'm standing on. He looks terrified and it tickles me. "Don't jump!" He repeats.

"Roxy…"

"Get down Axel. Now!" His voice is so forceful and urgent, something out of place. He stretches his hand out to me and I sigh. I don't want to touch him. Okay, that's a lie. I want to do things to him that would get me thrown in jail. Damn statutory rape shit. "Axel, please!" There are tears in his eyes and I feel like shit.

I let out another sigh as I grab his hand. And then he yanks me forward and I stumble down off the ledge. When the hell did he get so strong? "Shit, Roxas." I gather myself seconds before he pulls me against him, like he's attempting to crush us together. The top of his head barely comes to my chest and again I remind myself that he's only 16. "Roxy…" I wrap my arms around him and breathe very slowly, terrified of myself.

And then the mood changes. He pushes me away violently and glares. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Axel? What the hell is wrong with you?" He's cursing. I don't recall ever hearing him use those words before. It's just too cute.

"Roxas… I'm not suicidal." I tap my forehead. "Got it memorized?" The thought is sort of funny anyways. How could someone who can't really die, at least not in the sense that one dies and that's it, be suicidal? If I jump of the roof and die… wouldn't I just come back? Or since the death would be caused by myself, would I still come back? Are we only reborn if killed by someone else? What exactly are the terms of the rebirth? There's got to be something more to it.

"The fuck you are!" The anger in his voice cuts me from my thoughts. Shit… he really is pissed. "I just caught you on the ledge of the roof!"

I smile at him. He really is too cute for his own good. "I wasn't going to jump. The thought never crossed my mind." He relaxes a little but I don't think he entirely believes me. "I promise, Roxy. I just came up here for some air, I swear. You know me. How many times did we sit up in the high towers of Oblivion Castle, half hanging out of the windows?"

"That was different!" He snaps. "That was with me."

"Roxas…"

"Why are you here?" He says suddenly, crossing his arms and tilting his head to the side.

"Why are you?" I counter. Shortly after everything ended and we were all reborn, we went back to Oblivion Castle. It was sort of all we knew. For about a year, Roxas remained there with me. But then… one day he up and leaves me. Again. He never gave me a real reason. He just said he had to leave. So I let him.

"I…" He turns slightly and rubs at the back of his neck nervously. I must have caught him off guard with that question. Doesn't look like me wants to tell me either. "I left because of Sora… somewhat. I wanted to get to know him better, since we're like… apart of each other or something… I thought maybe… he could help me. Feel complete, you know? But mostly…" He sighs loudly and turns to look back at me. I can feel his hesitation in the air. "I left because of you."

"Me?" Me? Seriously? What the fuck did I do to chase him away?

His face saddens and his eyes glaze over. Shit… he looks like he's about to cry. Please, Roxy, don't cry. I don't think I could take it if you cried. "You seemed so sad all the time. Nothing I did helped… I thought I was the cause."

That wasn't the answer I thought he'd give me. He thought he was… Seriously? I thought he knew? After everything… I really thought he knew. "No, Roxas. I was a bit… depressed for a while." I was, though I stupidly thought I hid it well enough from him. Guess I'm transparent. Or he just knows me too well. "But you were never the cause. You were the only thing that ever made me happy." And that's the honest truth.

"Yeah?" He perks up a bit, his mood changing again so fast. "But why did you… you were so…"

I interrupt him quickly because I don't want him to blame himself anymore. I can't take hearing it. "I'm okay, Roxas." He steps forward and wraps his arms around my neck. He moves so quick that I don't have time to think. But then he pulls me down and presses his lips against mine and I snap back. "Wait… Roxy stop." I pull away and pry him off while I still can. "You can't do that." The kiss lasted only a second, but my legs are already weak and I can feel myself wanting to crack.

"Why not? I know you like it." He's being coy and the way he's looking at me is dangerous. Fuck me… he's downright deadly.

"Roxas…"

"Axel… you followed me here, didn't you?"

"Rox…"

He takes a step towards me and I step away. "I was wrong in thinking that Sora could help fill this void I have inside." He takes another step. "I need you Axel. I knew it the moment I _felt_ you on the roof. I need you… you are my other half. My heart."

I lower my head slightly and rub at my forehead. "Roxas… don't…" I lift my arm to stop him and continue to rub my head with the other. He needs to stop. Right now. If he says it…

"I love you Axel." And he said it.

I drop my arms to my sides and lift my gaze to him again. I feel my non-existent heart fluttering as he says it. And the way he's look at me… I wish I had an ounce less of self-control. I really do. Because I just want to jump him. "Roxas…"

"Tell me you don't love me." He demands getting even closer.

"Roxy…"

"Tell me!"

"I…"

"Tell me Axel."

"I can't!" I scream. I can't say it. Because of course it would be a fucking lie. Yes, I love him. I've loved him since the day I met him, as sick and perverted as that sounds. Five fucking years. I'm five fucking years older than him. And while one day that might not be so many, right now… it feels like an eternity separates us.

"Then kiss me."

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"I can't!" I say it louder and with more force than needed. I think I'm trying to convince myself more than him. Because every second that passes with him on that roof I'm losing my resolve. I can feel it.

Roxas steps away and shakes his head and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding him. I think maybe he's done. Maybe he's going to give up and leave and I can get control of myself again and go back to avoiding him and it will all be alright. And then his face twists and he looks more furious than when he saw me on the ledge. Fuck. This really isn't going to end well, is it? "Why the fuck did you follow me here then?"

I drop my gaze and shrug my shoulders slightly. I should lie. I should tell him that he's wrong, that I didn't follow him. That I haven't been searching for him for the better part of a year. But of course, I can't. Why can't I lie to him? Why can he read me so well? It's just not fair. "Just being nearer to you is enough right now to make it… not hurt as much." I say slowly.

Neither of us says anything for the longest time. It's probably only been a few minutes but I swear it feels like much, much longer. Like really long. Like an eternity long. I can't tell what he's thinking but it seems he's thinking about something hard. And he seems hesitant, almost nervous about whatever it is he's thinking about. I don't say anything because I know he prefers it that way. I just have to wait for him to process whatever is going on inside that head of his. But really… I have no clue if I should be terrified or not. And that's starting to make me nervous.

"I don't care that you're older than me." He's saying very slowly. "I don't care that you're… more… experienced than me…"

More experienced? I would laugh at that if I wasn't afraid he would take it wrong. I've never looked at anyone else, let alone thought about doing anything. He's the only one I want, the only one I'll ever want. I'm hopelessly and stupidly and tragically in love with him. Got _that_ memorized? And I would rather die a pathetic virgin than chance hurting him in any way. Although… can I die of old age? Huh… that is another rebirth theory conundrum.

"Axel?"

I shake my head slightly and let out a sigh. Why am I getting so sidetracked here? Why does he have this shattering effect on me? "I can't, Roxas. I just can't. I came here to be around you and that's it. I was simply going to just leave you to your life here and start my own."

His mouth drops open and I assume my words have sunk in. Fuck. "You weren't even going to tell me you were here?" He's angry. I shake my head and I feel guilty a second later. He looks so hurt and sad. "How could you…"

"You left me, remember?" I snap at him. Because that is the truth. He up and left without giving me a reason. And it was really fucked up and fucked me up and just _fuck_!

"Because I thought I was hurting you."

I roll my eyes and cross my arms. "Right now, you are. What are you doing here so early anyways?" I steal a glance at my watch. "The school doesn't open for another hour?"

He shrugs and looks away. "I have a meeting before school with a teacher."

"A meeting?"

"I'm a little behind in my German class."

"An hour before class?"

"I had a feeling I should come earlier."

"A feeling?"

He sighs and turns to look at me again and I suddenly think I don't want to know why. "I can't explain it… but I've been having this weird feeling all week. I guess… because… of you." He smiles slightly and he looks so smug. I really shouldn't be here. "I didn't know but I think I could feel you. I woke up earlier than normal this morning, got ready for school without thinking, got in the car, and came here." He pauses for a second and laughs softly. "Sora will probably be mad when he gets up and finds I left without him."

Yeah… because I'm a perverted stalker, I know Roxas is living with Sora and his mom, being treated like a brother and son. Another reason I don't really want him to know I'm here. I don't want to ruin the life he has here. He has a real family now. That's something I can't be for him.

"I knew the moment I pulled into the parking lot. The closer I get to you… can I just…" He steps closer again and this time I don't pull away when he reaches for me and instead hug him close. "I don't feel… right, Axel, without you. This feels right. You feel right… against me."

"Rox… do you know how hard you're making this?"

"I don't care." He voice is muffled slightly. "I love you and I don't want to ever let you go. I need you to live."

"Don't get all dramatic." But I know it's not melodrama. Because I feel it to. He's in my arms and I feel complete. He is my heart. But… "Roxas… we can… hang out and stuff like we used to… but that's it."

"Ax, I told you I don't care about…"

I push him away and hold him at arm's length and smile. "We can't because I could go to jail or get fired. That's the price we pay for living in the real world."

He smiles slyly and places his hand on my chest. "I won't always be too young."

With a sigh, I let go of him and drop my arms to the side. He really is trying my patience. "I know that."

The hand on my chest slowly drifts downward and he tilts his head to the side as he looks up at me. He's deep in thought again and I wonder at its direction. "Where do you work?"

I smile and point down. Yeah, I work at the school. Starting today, actually, if Roxas lets me off the roof.

"At the school? You work at the school?" I can hear excitement in his voice as he says it.

"Student teacher."

"So you'll be here every day when I am?"

I'm smiling and nodding. "Yep."

"Well…" He lets out a sigh but he's still smiling. "I guess that's better than nothing." He finally removes his hand from its dangerous position on my waist and wags a finger at me. "But don't think I'm giving up on you. I love you. And I will have you." He says it so easily and casually, so certain of himself.

I roll my eyes and look away from him. But I'm smiling and not only on the outside. Part of me hopes he doesn't stop trying. Because I know sooner or later, no matter the risks or dangers or complications, I _will_ give in to him. And when I do, I won't be able to stop myself.

"You have to promise me something, Ax." His hands are on my arm, tugging slightly.

I turn back to look at him, my curiosity prickling. "What?"

"Stay off the roof without me." He tugs at my arm again as he says it.

I roll my eyes and shake my head. "Roxy! I told you… I wasn't going to jump!"

"Just in case, stay off."

"Roxas…"

"No jumping! Promise!"

"Roxy!"

"If I catch you on that ledge again, I'll jump for you."

My mouth drops open as that sentence brings images to mind that I never want to see happen. I'd rather die than see him get hurt. "What sort of sense does that make?" He opens his mouth and closes it, then tilts his head like he's thinking. I smile and laugh softly as I'm reminded yet again how young he is. "I promise Roxas."

* * *

**Notes:** I was very, VERY tempted to make them talk in German. Seriously was. But I'd probably mess it up since I remember only bits and pieces from my highschool German class. Mostly I remember the songs our teacher taught us. Mostly about drinking too. So yeah. Enjoy the responsible Axel and the pushy Roxas.


	4. That's When I'll Stop Loving You

**Song:** That's When I'll Stop Loving You by *NSYNC. Uh… no comments on this one. At all. Stupid MP3 Player! *kills it*

* * *

**The Playlist – That's When I'll Stop Loving You (Riku's POV)**

"Hey… is this thing on? Hey! This is Sora! You've missed me so... uh… leave me a thing! Bye!"

That's the same message he's had since he got a cell phone a couple years ago. He either doesn't know how stupid it sounds or he doesn't know how to change it. Knowing Sora, it's probably both. And it's perfect. Just so Sora.

"Hey Sora. It's Riku again. Haven't heard from you since you ran out on me. Getting ready to leave for school now… so I guess I'll just see you at lunch." I'm sort of worried about him but not really. That's just Sora. He stayed over Friday night but something unnerved him enough when he woke up Saturday morning that he went running home. Haven't heard from him since then.

I pull the phone from my ear, flip it shut, and slip it in my pocket. Okay, so it wasn't something that flustered him. It was me. Waking up in my bed with my arms around him was probably too much for him. But I couldn't help myself. Yes, I know. I think I've known longer than him. But I know for sure that I've loved him longer. Since before all that shit happened. Oh sure, I'd tease him about Kairi and we'd compete over her but… deep inside I always hopped I was wrong about his attachment to her. And clearly, I was.

I grab my book bag and head out the front door. I can hear dad in the other room but I don't stop to say goodbye. I never do. We don't exactly see eye to eye and all. I throw my book bag in the backseat and climb in the front of my jeep. As I start it and pull out of the driveway, Sora flits to my mind again.

I've spent years trying to figure out the reason I love him, the exact moment I fell for him. And I've yet to come up with either. I just do and I feel like I always have… like… even when we were kids, I knew in the back of my head that we were meant to be together. No matter how many times I was told boys are supposed to like girls and grow up and marry girls and have babies with girls. It didn't matter, because I was going to be with Sora. I've just always known.

Which, yes, begs the question of my sexuality, with my job and all. No, I'm not a slut or whore or any other derogatory term that insinuates I'm easy and sleep around with everyone. Because I'm not and I don't. I do what I do for two reasons. One is money. I get better tips when I do what I do and I need money. Saving up to move out of my father's house. I mean… we don't have the worst relationship in the world. Yes, he's a drunk who spends more time unemployed than working. Yes, he can be strict and demanding and has slapped me around a few times when I back talk. But mostly he leaves me alone. Sometimes weeks can pass without either of us speaking to each other. So yeah… not the worst but I still want to get out of there. I'm calling a moving van the day after graduation.

I pull into the parking lot and turn the key. I'm slightly surprised to see the blue car in the assigned spot beside mine. Belongs to Sora and Roxas and since Sora's usually the one to drive, more often than not they arrive seconds before the first bell, very close cutters.

"Hey Riku!"

I turn and spy Kairi and I wave and head over. She's walking with Selphie and Tidus and they all slow until I catch up. "Hey guys. Have you seen Sora yet?"

Kairi shakes her head and smiles as she runs a hand through her reddish hair. She's really not bad to look at. She's pretty enough. She's nice enough as well. Smart and kind and a really good friend. Whoever steals her heart will be lucky, just as long as she keeps her hands off my Sora. "We just got here."

"Isn't it too early for them?" Tidus' comment elicits laughs from them and I smile. I don't exaggerate when it comes to Sora. I'm not the only one who notices the brunette's ability to show up right before the bell rings. Just like magic.

Kairi tilts her head to the side, as if thinking. "Come to think of it… I haven't heard from him since class on Friday morning."

"Saturday morning." I say, pointing to myself. "He spent the night then hightailed it out early."

"You don't suppose anything's wrong, do you?" Selphie chips in, worry lacing her voice. She's not bad to look at either but her voice does tend to take on that extremely high, squeaky tone that only dogs can hear. And she can get pretty annoying.

I shake my head and shrug slightly. "I'm sure he's fine. He had a big paper due today that he didn't start on." That's the truth even though I know it's not the reason he disappeared and won't return my phone calls.

Kairi rolls her eyes and smiles. "So he pulled a Sora, procrastinated until last minute, and blew us off."

I laugh and shrug. "Probably." It's a very Sora thing to do after all. I'm always amazed he can pass his classes. But then again, he always has me and Kairi and the rest of the gang around to help him when he needs it.

"Riku!"

Her voice fills me with dread. And I roll my eyes before I turn around. I force a smile at her as she nears. "Hey Cyndi." She smiles and bats her eyes and shit. I'm gay. I am so gay. I am completely, totally, and utterly gay. I really am. I've known forever. Cyndi does nothing for me and I've tried countless times to turn her down easily. I really have. But she just won't take the hints. "We'll have to catch up later, Cyndi. I have to meet with a teacher before class. Don't want to be late."

"Oh yes! We both do. On that project." Kairi says quickly, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the hall.

"Sorry Cyndi." I call over my shoulder at her. I catch the look of jealousy on her face and I roll my eyes. Kairi's just a friend. Nothing to be jealous over. Plus the fact that I don't like Cyndi is another reason for her to not be jealous. I'll be really glad when I graduate and can move out. She will not know where I live.

"No, you're not." Kairi giggles as we turn the corner out of sight. She lets go of me as we slow.

"You're right, I'm not." I smile and laugh and bat at her shoulder playfully. I really do enjoy having Kairi around. "She just won't take no for an answer."

Kairi glances around quickly before dropping her tone and stepping closer to me. "Maybe you should tell her you're gay."

I shrug as I stop walking and she stops and turns. "Yeah, I could." I nod slowly. "But then she'd either try harder to convert me or go blab it around." I just can't imagine her coming after me any harder than she already does. Seriously! She can't throw herself at me any harder.

"So what if she did tell?" Kairi's closer again and crossing her arms. I know what she's getting at. It's a favorite topic of hers.

I cross my own arms and look away. "So… everyone should mind their own fucking business." My tone's a little harsher than I mean it to be and I feel myself flinch slightly.

But if Kairi's noticed my tone, she doesn't react. She simply smiles smugly and continues in her berating. "In other words… the female half of your groupies might vanish."

The comment forces me to laugh and look back at her. "The ones that aren't into some good boy on boy action would."

She looks at me and wrinkles her nose. "Pervert."

My smile widens and I shake my head slowly. "Seriously. You should see some of the…"

She raises her hand to stop me. "I don't want to hear it."

She can really be a prude sometimes. But I love her for it. "Then you shouldn't have brought it up."

"You should just put the moves on Sora already."

That's the second reason I act the way I do when I'm at work. Sora. Because I know he's there, watching me. Yes, I'm pure evil. But I'm trying to make him jealous and get him to come to me on his own terms. I'm afraid of scaring him off. He can be so weird about things sometimes. He hasn't told anyone yet, like he's ashamed he might be gay or something. I was the one to tell Kairi. She was pissed he didn't tell her. I had to spend hours convincing her to say nothing.

"Kairi…" I start slowly with a sigh. This is a conversation we've had a million times before, I swear. It's her favorite subject. She's certain that I'm the one who should make the first move. "I'm letting him figure things out on his own."

"I know." She rolls her eyes. "You don't want to scare him off."

"Exactly."

"Don't you ever think that your actions now might be scaring him off?"

I smile knowingly and shake my head. "Not at all. He wouldn't be following me to work and acting like he wants to rip everyone around me apart."

She rolls her eyes again and pulls me aside. "Do you love him?" She whispers.

"Until lies become the truth." I say, quoting a particularly disgusting and sappy song that popped on the radio on my way here.

She looks confused and tilts her head. "Huh?"

"Yes, Kairi. He's the only one I'd give my heart to."

"Tell him that."

"I can't."

She pushes me against a row of lockers and raises her eyebrows. "Are you really that afraid of him, Riku? Do you really think he'll break _your_ heart? After everything you two have been through… what he did to find you and what you did to help him and keep him safe along the way… do you really honestly think things will change if you admit it?"

Why does she have to be so damned perceptive? I really, really wish she wasn't. That is something I don't want her knowing. Seriously! It's like… just because I'm me, I can't have the tiniest doubt? True, I'm probably the last one to admit to weakness, but I'm as human and flawed as everyone else. I'm not perfect.

I cross my arms and lean back against the lockers. "Kairi… I will wait for him forever."

"But you don't have to wait." She's grabbing my arm and a couple kids gives us odd looks as they walk by. I so don't need this. Not now.

"His own terms, Kairi." I say prying her hand off and pushing her away playfully. "Now drop it, please! Someone might overhear, if they haven't already."

She crosses her arms and shakes her head. "You, Riku, are impossible."

"Yeah, I know. Now… go away."

She glares at me one last time before stomping off down the hall. "See you at lunch." She calls back to me and I smile.

"So you're after Sora…"

I know that voice. It's been a few years but I know that voice. And he's in the hall and he's clearly overheard at least part of my conversation with Kairi. I turn slightly, grab his arm, and pull him towards the boy's bathroom. It's usually empty this time in the morning, since class starts any minute. And as I thought, it is empty. "Axel… what are you doing here?"

He crosses his arms and smiles that cocky smile of his. I really have the urge to punch him. "Not happy to see me?"

Yeah, a really _big_ urge. "Depends on why you're here." I step closer to him and my eyes narrow in a glare. "If you've come to mess with Sora again, I'll make you wish you couldn't be reborn." He better get the point. Because I'm not kidding. He lays a finger on Sora and I will kill him. And then I will wait for him to be reborn and kill him again.

He's smiling as he holds up his hands. "Easy there, princess. I'm not here for Sora. I came to see Roxas…"

"Stay away from him too." I snap, stepping closer and getting in his face. "Sora's gotten attached and he'd be devastated if something happened."

"Dude… you have me pegged all wrong." His face hardens a bit and pushes me. Not hard but enough to force me back. "I swear." He continues. "The Organization is dead. Well… we're alive, or as alive as we can be." He chuckles softly and I roll my eyes. I don't find his attempt at humor humorous. "But the Org itself is history. Just like Roxas, I left to have a life, not destroy others. Seriously! I was never good at being a bad guy."

That's an understatement. "No, you defiantly weren't." I roll my eyes and shake my head.

"I have no connection to the heartless anymore." He sounds sincere. "And I'm not here for Sora. He's all yours." He sounds really sincere.

"Don't say anything about that to anyone!" But I think I'll still keep an eye on him.

Axel smiles slyly and crosses his arms. "You play nice and I'll return the favor."

Nice? With him? I hardly know the guy. And my only grudge against him has to do with Sora. If he stays away, there will be no problem. "With you?"

"And Roxas."

Roxas? Okay… that catches me a bit off guard. Sure, when the blonde first showed up, I was a little suspicious. But almost instantly I realized the kid was harmless. Plus, like I said, Sora got really attached really quickly. So did his mother. One big, happy family. "I'm always nice to Roxas." Even I can hear the slight pout in my voice.

He puts his hand on his hip and smiles. "Keep it that way."

"Uh huh. Play nice and keep each other's secrets."

"Ah! He has a brain." He wraps an arm around my shoulders and ruffles my hair.

"Oh no! No touching my hair!" I push him away and turn to the mirror. Shit. He fucked it up.

"You're such a girl."

After running my hand through my hair a few times, I turn and smirk at him. "Oh yeah? Let me play with that mop of yours." I jump at him and he dodges me.

"My hair is off limits."

I laugh and push him slightly. I think I like him. Maybe, just maybe… we could be something that ordinary people might call friends. "So why are you here?"

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "I told you. I came to see Roxas."

I shake my head. "At the school, I mean."

"Work here." He says with a shrug.

"You? Work here?" Who the hell would hire a guy like him? Shit… he's not exactly a _real_ person and all.

"Yeah."

Okay… the part about him not being real is probably a step too far. Of course he's real. Sort of at least. But still… "Shit… you're already in full on stalker mode."

He's laughing and smiling. "Believe me, he doesn't mind."

The tardy bell rings and I head for the door. Somehow, I can believe that. Despite my berating of Axel for messing with Roxas, I know he would honestly never hurt the kid. I know they're friends. Or something more that borders, or probably passes, the line between friends and inappropriate behavior between an adult and a teenager. Though which is which is up for debate.

I steal a sideways glance at Axel, who's walking beside me down the hall with his hands clasped behind his head. He looks like he's deep in thought about something. Or someone. "You know, he talks about you." I say slowly. "A lot."

He drops his arms and shrugs slightly. "We… he was my best friend before he left."

"Yeah… friend." There's a mocking tone to my voice as I say it. Because I know Roxas isn't simply a friend. Frankly, though, I couldn't care less about what the two nobodies do to each other as long as they leave Sora to me.

He inclines his head towards me and cocks an eyebrow. "How about I go find your spiky haired twit and scare him off?"

"Oh gee, look at the time." I say, pointing to my wrist. "Need to get to class."

"Maybe I'll see you later."

I wave Axel off as I duck into class. Man… won't Sora be surprised when I tell him Axel's on the island. As I recall, Sora rather liked the guy in the end and was upset when he thought Axel had died. Though I guess if Roxas knows… I'm sure Sora does too.

I slip into my seat and try to pay attention to whatever the teacher is yammering on about. But, once again for some reason, I'm distracted. I really wish Sora would just get over this stigma or whatever it is he has about being gay. Because despite Kairi's comments about this tiny, little, nagging fear I may have, I would still jump him the moment he gives me permission. I'd give him my heart, soul, body… everything if he asked me.

I've loved him forever. And that won't ever change.

* * *

**Notes:** Rather like this chapter I think. Hope you did too!


End file.
